I am finding myself at a loss of what to say for this last year.

My Christmas Day sub-a-thon went for 17 hours and 36 minutes, give or take a couple minutes for my opening screen. It was amazing.

I spoke a little bit about how hard holidays are for me since the passing of my friend a few years ago, as well as some other things that happened in my life a little before all of that. Again, I have no problems talking about them, but right now I feel is not the time.

My biggest thing to say about this is an enormous thank you. I honestly don’t know if I can say it enough. Like… Y’all broke me for a little bit by started my second ever hype train, BUT IT IMMEDIATELY HIT LEVEL 4! I am insanely blown away by the generosity of my budding community. I wish I was more like Doc so I could put this into nicer words. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much. Also that breakage, along with some other weird things through that over 17 hours will be highlighted and likely also put on YouTube for enjoyment. But know that you have all changed the entirety of the holiday season for me, and that’s no small feat.

With some time off from streaming for the next few days, I’ve left myself to reflect on the last year.

Okay, here we go with the obligatory mention of the pandemic, the resurgence of BLM along with a lot of really terrible things, and some good things, too. I’m reflecting on a lot of that but that’s not what I want to talk about right now.

I want to talk about my work, specifically. Okay, and some other stuff as it relates to myself.

Over this last year, I have continued both podcasts, with some wiggle room on the Machinima with Bam-Bam. Look, the whole threat of DMCA is…. concerning and scary.

With the beginning of the pandemic, I started streaming again. Yes, again. I had started in 2018, and stopped because of tech issues. The growth of my new budding community has been amazing.

I’ve made a few machinima of my own, from the raising of the Aqir egg, to two of my demon hunters seeking revenge, and the 12 days of Winter Veil.

I’ve continued therapy, and the entire journey of healing. I’m… still not entirely convinced I’ll be able to just “be healed” but hey, maybe.

With this year, with therapy, I’ve also been thinking about a way to get off disability and be able to provide for myself, too. Which… Okay, I’m not there yet. At all. But as opposed to a year ago, when I couldn’t even fathom possibly finding a new career, at least I feel open to the possibility of being able to again, which is big.

This also means I have been considering more things. Like getting back into sewing, cosplay, and other crafting for sale. This is something that I have wanted to do for a very long time, and not something I keep quiet about. Like, actually, five years ago, there was plans for this to be a business with a friend. That has obviously gone nowhere.

Part of the reason I did this last machinima is that I’ve been trying to decide if I want to start freelance video editing, and maybe some audio editing as well, so the entire idea of making that video was figuring out how the hell to estimate charge for this kind of work. I know I still have a lot to learn, so I don’t know if I’m ready to do it just yet, but I have a much better idea of what to do for a lot of it.

Another thing I’m planning on doing, is sort of a two in one with cosplay crafting. I keep ending up on Native TikTok and I love it, but it’s been making me sad that I don’t have a jingle dress to dance whenever we can have pow wows again. Since I’ve been planning on making a jingle dress since 2016, I want to really make it a priority to do that this year. This also means getting some moccasins made since I don’t do leather working myself. Or bead work. But that is a problem for another day.

The biggest thing I can say right now is that I’m so excited for this coming year. For the first time in a very long while, everything seems possible. It’s so different to how it was just a few short months ago, and I’m honestly just so excited about that.

I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do to say goodbye to 2020, aside from in-game fireworks in World of Warcraft. However you decide to, I hope we’re all able to find joy in the end of this horrible year.

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